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    May 09

    为什么要嫌弃我这个只不过需要爱的女子

    走过五月初夏时节混合着苏打水气息的医院长廊,再灿烂的阳光照不到这里,仿佛与闹世隔绝的安静。午夜的电梯,空无一人。只能在这时,眼泪才肆无忌惮的掉落下来。

    梳着童花头的小女孩,渴望父亲的关注。可是那份爱全部给了自幼病重的妹妹。某一天舞台上小丑的表现,仿佛成为了讨父欢心的秘密之钥。于是自幼齿到豆蔻,延至花样年华,扮鬼脸已经浑然不知,于紧张之际,羞愧之时。

    波澜不惊的教师生涯,以为袒护学生自动背上黑锅,戛然而止。投入作家怀抱甘心受辱,却被抛弃。这时作家的对手出现,表面垂怜,只是把她当作发泄怨恨以求心理平衡的工具。而这种关系必定不会长久。于是,堕入风尘,错手杀死小白脸伴侣。然而珍爱让这个自杀未遂的女人获得了新生,在监狱的八年中,自律,快乐,充满希望。因为她相信,那个憨厚的美发店老板会一直等着她。可是她分明看见了橱窗内另一个女子的身影,陪伴着的,只有飘散的樱花。

    雨夜重遇当年自己袒护的学生,如今已长大成人,与黑社会中混迹。谈起当年,才知学生是故意而为,来自年少火一般温暖不成就焚毁一切的爱恋与激情。于是,重续前缘,却双双遭人追杀。男人被毁容入狱,自己在逃跑过程中成为瘸子。 继续,等待。 风起的日子,骑着自行车触摸监狱外的高墙,隔着冰冷的石壁感受爱人的体温。漫长却快乐的,等待。而终于出现的爱人,却并没有想象中将她紧拥怀中,嘴角洇出的鲜血与白雪相映,尤显鲜红。

    哀莫大于心死。肥胖蠢笨的身躯,与世隔绝的生活,不化妆,不洗澡,不开口。昔日好友认出了她,要她重新振作。手中攥着皱巴巴的名片,被玩耍的孩童殴打致死。

     ——请原谅我,生存于世。

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